Many parents love supporting their adult children. Whether it’s helping with rent, funding education, or assisting during tough seasons, that support can feel necessary, loving, and right.
But here’s a surprising truth: in 2025, 38% of “Boomerang parents” - those whose adult children move back home or continue receiving support - say it has impacted their long-term retirement savings. PR Newswire
When you’re 5–10 years from retirement, that’s exactly the window where these choices matter most. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t help when you can. It means you should have a plan, communicate it clearly, and make sure your own goals don’t get sacrificed.
In this post, we’ll explore:
- Why adult-child support is a hidden risk
- How to draw healthy boundaries without guilt
- How including your kids in your retirement conversations protects both them and you
1. The Hidden Risk: When Love and Support Compromise Retirement
Helping adult children is admirable and natural. But research shows it can come with unintended consequences. According to a survey by Thrivent, 38% of parents say that financially supporting adult children has impacted their long-term retirement savings. PR Newswire
That kind of support often extends for years - paying rent, helping with schooling costs, covering medical bills - and can quietly eat into your capacity to save, especially when the margin is tighter in those pre-retirement years.
Why this is especially sensitive in the 5–10 year window:
- You have fewer earning years left to make up for shortfalls
- You’re facing more complex tax, healthcare, and estate decisions
- You have less runway to recover from financial setbacks
So how do you help and still protect your future?
2. Setting Boundaries Without Sacrificing Support
Boundary-setting is a loving act not a harsh one. Here are some approaches that respect both your children and your retirement:
- Define specific support categories: Clarify what you will help with (e.g., one year of rent, educational loans) and what you will no longer support (e.g., ongoing living expenses indefinitely).
- Use a “help budget”: Reserve a small, set amount from your cash flow or discretionary savings to help their needs. Once it’s used, it’s done.
- Require transparency: Ask your children to show you their budgets or plans alongside your support. This encourages responsibility.
- Gradual stepping-down: If they’ve been depending on your help, plan to taper support over time while they build their independence.
- Formalize it in conversation: When you talk through this, clarify that your retirement must stay protected so you don’t become financially dependent on them later.
This way, your support is a gift, not a burden and your retirement doesn’t become the price.
3. Why Including Your Adult Children in the Plan Matters
If you set boundaries without communication, you risk frustration, misunderstanding, and silent resentment on both sides. That’s exactly why bringing your adult children into your retirement and estate conversations is so powerful.
Key benefits of their involvement:
- They understand your goals, so they’re more likely to respect your boundaries
- They know where to find your important documents and which decisions to make if you can’t
- They reduce uncertainty, confusion, and emotional strain when crises arise
And it’s not just theory. More advisors today are involving client children in wealth-transfer conversations. Investopedia
4. How to Start the Conversation (Even When It Feels Awkward)
When you’re ready to bring your adult kids into the fold, here’s a roadmap:
A. Start with values
Talk about what retirement means to you: travels, hobbies, times with family. Let them see your vision.
B. Choose one document to review
Start with something simple, like your will or power of attorney, rather than overwhelming with the full estate plan.
C. Share “what you’ve done and what needs doing”
Tell them where documents are, what you’ve already arranged, and what remains to be done.
D. Invite questions, don’t force answers
Let them ask what they wonder. Be open about your reasoning. You don’t have to have all the answers yet.
E. Make it recurring
Make family conversations about planning a ritual. It doesn’t all happen in one meeting.
5. Action Steps You Can Take Right Now
- Run a quick review of how much support you currently give adult children
- Map a “support budget” for the next year
- Choose one document to share and review with your kids (e.g. health care POA)
- Schedule a short meeting - even 30 minutes - to start the discussion
- Download a tool (like your Beneficiaries Handbook + Checklist) to guide the process
Helping your children is beautiful. But when that help erodes your own security or jeopardizes your retirement, it becomes less sustainable, and can turn into a burden for your children in the future.
When you draw boundaries and include your kids in the conversation, you build a future where both generations feel respected, informed, and prepared. Your 5–10 year runway can be the period where you protect your dreams and empower your family for what’s ahead.